In this profound piece, Will Jessop, student and musician, reflects both through fiction, and through fact, of experiencing depression.
"Ivory”
Depression
is a selfish feeling, a selfish state of mind. It hisses and seethes so gently
underneath the surface that its fingers feel like silk, an ugly, malnourished,
decaying silk that feeds off of your unwillingness to fight.
An
unwillingness that creates itself, breeding; negativity begets negativity, and so
the cycle goes.
Waves
breaking on the rocks jutting from the shore of your conscience.
The
residue of the sea spray patters on your boots and stays for a split second,
clinging, glistening. This has been happening for some time now; you’ve been
standing on this beach for a while.
Black,
dirty sand. The murky sea. Broken bottles.
Not
a place you would choose to go.
You
glance down below the surface of the shallow tide, ebbing, flowing. There’s a
body in the water, but it’s mostly been overtaken by seaweed and the like. The
face is still visible, though, weather-worn, speckled with grains of sand,
dirt. Gaunt and expressionless, lips taut, cheekbones jutting, eyes open, eyes
open, eyes dead. Screaming silently. A cracked and violent whisper under the
silver glare of the moon.
The
face is yours.
You
take one last look around. The loneliness is pulling your heartstrings,
caressing, aching, calling for you to stay just a little while longer. No harm
will come from just a few more seconds of still, come on, just stay, stay firm,
stay locked, stay rooted.
You
run.
Fast
as the wind will carry you, full pelt across the skyline, above the forests and
the mountains and the savannahs of your mind, and the sun is rising, painting
everything in glorious colour, bathing the world in warmth, and you are flying.
Your
wings are strong, steady, assured. Your tale does not end beneath the weight of
a deathless ocean. It is a brilliantly bright and spellbindingly woven tome, an
uplifting, courageous, and loving story bellowed across the universe and out
through the ages, bouncing from the tongues of the young and old, the gleeful
and the graceful.
Your
tale lives on through the joy of the others you have helped and inspired, those
you have talked with and listened to, those to whom you have shown kindness and
those from whom you have received it.
You
are strong.
Do
not let the ivory tusks that pierce your heart be enough to break your
back."
Reflection
It would be a lie to say that depression
is simply an excuse for attention.
I’ve seen a lot of this idea in the media
recently. The Germanwings aeroplane tragedy has seen the internet aggravated with
debate and opinion; Katie Hopkins’ subsequent set of tweets deriding the
perceived actions of many a depressed individual has also done the rounds,
shocking many, as well as affirming the views of some others. You can’t help
but notice this; the “Trending” sidebar on your Facebook homepage makes it
impossible to do otherwise.
But I want to make a clear point here; Depression is an illness, not an alibi.
Living with depression is not an easy
ride. Those who suffer from it know this all too well, and there are many ways
and means to ensure a better quality of life for us as a whole;
antidepressants, therapy, recreational activity, the list goes on. But when you
treat depression as simply a fire that can be put out, a door that can be
closed, you’re not providing some kind of miraculous cure.
You’re just covering an already painted
wall with your own choice of wallpaper, seeing a difficult illness as you would
like to see it, when the truth is far more complex.
As far as we know, Katie Hopkins is not
depressed; she never has been, so her opinion holds no water. The scare-mongering
headlines employed by the likes of The Daily Mail and The Mirror serve only to
bait those who will listen into abhorring the very idea of being depressed,
shunning anyone who dare profess suffering. But fear isn’t a solution. You can
feel fear, yes, at many different things in life – but you can also feel
better; and that can come from acceptance and engagement.
Talking about depression is treated akin
to talking about sex; an act to be kept behind closed doors, unheard, unseen,
secret and taboo. We don’t talk about it in public, but without talking about
it, those who fear will remain fearful; those who wish to learn will be
hard-pressed to do so; and those who suffer will continue to suffer without
aid; we’ll never get anywhere.
Depression is not a monochromatic,
one-shoe-fits-all kind of illness. It is not an excuse, although it may feel
like one when you’re too crushed by the weight of your own self to get out of
bed, when your doctor’s note diagnoses you “Depressed” even though you feel fine
on that particular day. If you don’t identify with either of those states -
that is how depression can feel to some. The fact is that depression is an
umbrella for a myriad of feelings and mental states, and my examples are merely
segments of that.
So
I want to help. I want to help people suffering to make it through the day, and
I want to help remove the stigma that surrounds mental illnesses such as this
one. I want to help start a conversation that has been crying out to be held
for some time now.
To those who are suffering: If you can,
try to help yourself. Exercise; it releases endorphins and helps you to feel
positive and in control. Write; getting what’s in your head out onto paper or
screen is a good way to help yourself feel better. Create; if you are an
artist, a musician, a dancer, try your hand at your craft, even if you don’t
feel like it. Persist. It really does help. There are links to helpful things
below:
Exercise:
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression-and-exercise/art-20046495
- A further explanation on how exercise can help with beating depression.
Writing: http://gottcode.org/focuswriter/
- A full-screen writing program that is just you and your text.
General Help:http://dryyoureyes-startbelieving.tumblr.com/post/114948516937 - A list of
things you can do to help lift yourself out of bleak moods.
To those who are fearful: if you’re
afraid of it, talk about it. The key to progression is understanding and the
key to understanding? Communication.
The world is hiding. Let’s put an end to
that. Let’s talk about it. -
Writer: Will Jessop - visit his blog and further brilliant writing
Editors: Scott W
Emily O
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