These things are sent to….

Hello, reader.

I think many of us will know the feeling of things building up and wearing you down a bit in the process. It tests your patience, resilience and willpower as well as stressing you out at the same time.

We all know the phrase “These things are sent to try us”. In many ways, that phrase is absolutely true. Another phrase I remember (from a Star Trek film of all things) is “What the hell, nobody said life was safe” which does make me think - probably a bit too much, given I can sometimes “over-think” things. And that could quite possibly be a trait shared by many analytical people.

I think one of the things that many people do not understand about living with mental illness is the notion of “having limits”. Does this mean we are slow & stupid? It absolutely does not. Does it mean we are useless etc.? No it does not.

Everybody is different; you cannot put us into boxes or define us by what mental health condition (or the like) we have to battle. Sometimes, one good thing we can do try and do is to try and learn. Learn little things if we can, “tools to fight” with if you like. The professionals sometimes call these sorts of things “coping strategies”. In practice, the jury’s out as to whether I would call it that.

Because in a sense, ‘coping strategies’ can imply that life is not fully lived, or is like a game or exercise, where a ‘strategy’ is put in place. Whether you are faced with an illness, mental or physical, this ultimately does not mean that you cannot enjoy or be involved within things to their full extent. Where the notion of ‘limits’ become important is not necessarily in terms of placing limits upon yourself, but in learning and coming to know that there are structures – boundaries, limits, guidelines, whatever you want to call them, that you can help build in order to help you. We can construct our own limits and this can actually be a freeing thing.

For example, I may find it difficult to have a conversation with a large group of people for more than five minutes without becoming anxious and agitated. However, over time, I have learned and recognised this limit – but do not let it limit myself. Now I can relax more readily in self-awareness and therefore feel assured when I approach people for conversation, that as a result I have options if I feel uncomfortable or anxious.

Because knowing limits, is, as aforementioned, not to limit yourself – it can actually give you options. Whether you find social situations or solitude difficult, knowing your limits of comfort within these allows you to have something to work with and also develop accordingly. These then can be incredible tools to fight –self-awareness, respect and patience. They are not easy but integral implements to help you carry on building – not just in your relationship with yourself, but with others.

Although it may well feel that these things are sent to test us – every one of us is capable of having the tools to construct our way through. Because rather than just confronting the situation, we can tackle it constructively and develop both in light of our experiences and in preparing for new ones.

Songs for the journey…

Here are links to a few songs that you might be able to identify with. Happy listening!

Journeyman by Iron Maiden    -    https://youtu.be/UQLyLr3cxLw

Here to Stay by New Order     -     https://youtu.be/Z15DIchJw7Y

The Things I’ve Seen by Tremonti   -  https://youtu.be/wi1Qjb0G2iE

If you have any you’d like to share with us then please write them in the comment box or send us a an e-mail at havingawordmh@gmail.com

“These things are sent to….” 

Written & edited by Scott W (@ScottMHC14) and Emily Oldfield (@EmilyvOldfield) 

Depression is an illness, not an alibi: Will's Reflection

In this profound piece, Will Jessop, student and musician, reflects both through fiction, and through fact, of experiencing depression. 

"Ivory”

Depression is a selfish feeling, a selfish state of mind. It hisses and seethes so gently underneath the surface that its fingers feel like silk, an ugly, malnourished, decaying silk that feeds off of your unwillingness to fight.

An unwillingness that creates itself, breeding; negativity begets negativity, and so the cycle goes.

Waves breaking on the rocks jutting from the shore of your conscience.

The residue of the sea spray patters on your boots and stays for a split second, clinging, glistening. This has been happening for some time now; you’ve been standing on this beach for a while.

Black, dirty sand. The murky sea. Broken bottles.

Not a place you would choose to go.

You glance down below the surface of the shallow tide, ebbing, flowing. There’s a body in the water, but it’s mostly been overtaken by seaweed and the like. The face is still visible, though, weather-worn, speckled with grains of sand, dirt. Gaunt and expressionless, lips taut, cheekbones jutting, eyes open, eyes open, eyes dead. Screaming silently. A cracked and violent whisper under the silver glare of the moon.

The face is yours.

You take one last look around. The loneliness is pulling your heartstrings, caressing, aching, calling for you to stay just a little while longer. No harm will come from just a few more seconds of still, come on, just stay, stay firm, stay locked, stay rooted.

You run.

Fast as the wind will carry you, full pelt across the skyline, above the forests and the mountains and the savannahs of your mind, and the sun is rising, painting everything in glorious colour, bathing the world in warmth, and you are flying.

Your wings are strong, steady, assured. Your tale does not end beneath the weight of a deathless ocean. It is a brilliantly bright and spellbindingly woven tome, an uplifting, courageous, and loving story bellowed across the universe and out through the ages, bouncing from the tongues of the young and old, the gleeful and the graceful.

Your tale lives on through the joy of the others you have helped and inspired, those you have talked with and listened to, those to whom you have shown kindness and those from whom you have received it.

You are strong.

Do not let the ivory tusks that pierce your heart be enough to break your back."

 Reflection

It would be a lie to say that depression is simply an excuse for attention.

I’ve seen a lot of this idea in the media recently. The Germanwings aeroplane tragedy has seen the internet aggravated with debate and opinion; Katie Hopkins’ subsequent set of tweets deriding the perceived actions of many a depressed individual has also done the rounds, shocking many, as well as affirming the views of some others. You can’t help but notice this; the “Trending” sidebar on your Facebook homepage makes it impossible to do otherwise.

But I want to make a clear point here; Depression is an illness, not an alibi.

Living with depression is not an easy ride. Those who suffer from it know this all too well, and there are many ways and means to ensure a better quality of life for us as a whole; antidepressants, therapy, recreational activity, the list goes on. But when you treat depression as simply a fire that can be put out, a door that can be closed, you’re not providing some kind of miraculous cure.

You’re just covering an already painted wall with your own choice of wallpaper, seeing a difficult illness as you would like to see it, when the truth is far more complex.

As far as we know, Katie Hopkins is not depressed; she never has been, so her opinion holds no water. The scare-mongering headlines employed by the likes of The Daily Mail and The Mirror serve only to bait those who will listen into abhorring the very idea of being depressed, shunning anyone who dare profess suffering. But fear isn’t a solution. You can feel fear, yes, at many different things in life – but you can also feel better; and that can come from acceptance and engagement.

Talking about depression is treated akin to talking about sex; an act to be kept behind closed doors, unheard, unseen, secret and taboo. We don’t talk about it in public, but without talking about it, those who fear will remain fearful; those who wish to learn will be hard-pressed to do so; and those who suffer will continue to suffer without aid; we’ll never get anywhere.

Depression is not a monochromatic, one-shoe-fits-all kind of illness. It is not an excuse, although it may feel like one when you’re too crushed by the weight of your own self to get out of bed, when your doctor’s note diagnoses you “Depressed” even though you feel fine on that particular day. If you don’t identify with either of those states - that is how depression can feel to some. The fact is that depression is an umbrella for a myriad of feelings and mental states, and my examples are merely segments of that.

So I want to help. I want to help people suffering to make it through the day, and I want to help remove the stigma that surrounds mental illnesses such as this one. I want to help start a conversation that has been crying out to be held for some time now.

To those who are suffering: If you can, try to help yourself. Exercise; it releases endorphins and helps you to feel positive and in control. Write; getting what’s in your head out onto paper or screen is a good way to help yourself feel better. Create; if you are an artist, a musician, a dancer, try your hand at your craft, even if you don’t feel like it. Persist. It really does help. There are links to helpful things below:

Exercise: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression-and-exercise/art-20046495 - A further explanation on how exercise can help with beating depression.

Writing: http://gottcode.org/focuswriter/ - A full-screen writing program that is just you and your text.

General Help:http://dryyoureyes-startbelieving.tumblr.com/post/114948516937 - A list of things you can do to help lift yourself out of bleak moods.

To those who are fearful: if you’re afraid of it, talk about it. The key to progression is understanding and the key to understanding? Communication.

The world is hiding. Let’s put an end to that. Let’s talk about it. -

Writer: Will Jessop - visit his blog and further brilliant writing  http://chasingfootsteps.tumblr.com/Writings

Editors: Scott W @ScottMHC14

        Emily O @EmilyvOldfield